Self Control

Last week was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. I know this is completely un-Christian of me, but fasting is one of my absolute least favorite things to do. I wake up on the days that require fasting (only two days a year - Ash Wednesday and Good Friday) and I am not looking forward to a day without eating. Ask anyone - I love to eat. And I swear, the day after Ash Wednesday, I woke up to birds singing, the sun shining, and a giant plate of pancakes - all was right in the world again.

Part of Lent is doing something for self-improvement. That isn't the only part, but that's the part I'm going to focus on. I really, really enjoy chocolate and cookies and brownies, etc, etc, etc. One of the things I wanted to work on in 2013 was eating better - and giving up chocolate, highly processed foods, baked goods, etc for Lent would serve two purposes then. I was starting to feel like my sweet tooth was  a little out of control and I wanted to rein that in before triathlon season was in full swing.

Another part of my Lenten self-improvement kick is self control, especially when it comes to food. I have a terrible habit of keeping a jar of peanut butter open on my desk at work - you would be surprised at how quickly a jar disappears when you take a bite here and there and here and there and... you know how it goes. I'm also a habitual snacker between the time I get home from work and the time I eat dinner. Then there is the bowl (or two) of ice cream for dessert. And let's not talk about bagel Friday, the number of bagels I've eaten is embarrassing. Anyway, maybe I am paranoid or maybe my metabolism really is slowing down, but whatever it is, I can't eat junk and just get away with it anymore. I physically do not feel great when I eat poorly - or overeat - and I need to work harder than I used to in order to burn off the excess calories. All this has lead me to pose the questions "Am I really hungry or just bored" and "does my swim really justify three bagels" etc etc etc. I'm going to need to leave second breakfast and third lunch solely for the times that I am in the thick of Ironman training and I'm truly earning those extra meals with 5 hour bike rides and 3 hour long runs. An extra 500yds in the pool does not warrant 5 extra pancakes as a snack.

Granted, it is still early in Lent so there is still lots of time for error, but so far my approach to mindfully eat has been going well. I don't leave the open jar of peanut butter on my desk so I'm now on week two with the same jar. Apples with cinnamon (and some sugar) have been my dessert of choice. Portion control and waiting a few minutes to see if I'm really, really hungry for a second helping of dinner has made me aware of whether or not I truly need the extra food (typically I do not). I'm not snacking a ton at work (I will have something small in the afternoon and sometimes a little something mid-morning) and I try to make it until at least 11:30am before digging into my lunch. Snacks have been mainly fruit and sometimes a piece of toast with peanut butter. No chips or chocolate granola for me! Even after Lent is over, I'd like to keep these new habits up - mindfully eating and having chocolate only once in awhile rather than multiple times a day. The trick will be figuring out the self control once I let chocolate back into my life. Both Mr. Sweetie and I are terrible about this - give us a little and we take a mile. I've been known to eat entire bags of chocolate chips just because they are there (and if I eat them all now, I won't have to eat them later - seems rational at the time). Typically the best way for us to maintain control is to simply NOT keep junk food in the house.

Longest Swim!

I did my longest swim ever today - 6,000yds! I needed to use one of those online metric converter calculators to confirm that today was indeed my longest swim - last spring I swam an open water 5k, but it turns out that 6,000yds is just a smidgeon longer than a 5k so today's swim was the winner!

I swam with a great group of girlfriends. It is days like today that I am reminded of how lucky I am to have friends who are such good people, and fantastic athletes to boot. We all learn from each other, encourage each other, support one another, crack each other up, and push each other to go faster (and in today's swim case, further) than we would ever go alone. The pool was relatively empty when we jumped in at 9:30am and we managed to secure two lanes next to each other, giving the seven of us plenty of space. Kendra put together a fun workout, with a mix of long and short sets, pulling and kicking. Kendra and Sara and I all shared a lane and Mindy and Sarah and Georgeanne were the speed demons in the other lane. I love watching speedy swimmers. I read somewhere (can't recall where) that you can actually learn quite a bit and even improve your own swimming by watching good swimmers - what their technique looks like, what their stroke and kick look like, are they rotating their hips, what does their pull look like, etc. And then think about what good form looks like and try to emulate it in your own swimming.

The swim FLEW by and we were done in just over two hours. I made it to just over 5,000yds before my arms and shoulders started to burn and my pace was starting to slow down a bit. I tried out my new Blue Seventy goggles and they were great! I love new goggles - thanks Blue Seventy! We headed to Kendra's for brunch post-swim. Breakfast burritos, fruit salad, and tea have never tasted so good.

Do you want to hear the sweetest thing? On Friday night I whipped up an easy dessert to take to the post-swim brunch. I put it in the fridge and completely forgot to grab it in my hurry out of the house to go to the pool. I remembered when I was a few miles from the house and I was already running late, so Mr. Sweetie said he would drop it off at Kendra's for me while I was swimming. He is SO NICE. But it gets better - not only did he drop off the dessert, but he also picked up some prosecco and orange juice for mimosas. It was really, really thoughtful and such a nice surprise.

Today was the first long day of training of 2013, between the 2+ hour swim and the 2+ hour bike ride on the trainer. I've missed this tired, sore, could-collapse-into-bed-and-fall-asleep-with-my-eyes-open feeling. I'm so excited for 2013!!!

Swim, Run, and Valentine's Day Fun

As far as training has been going this week, it's chugging along just fine. On days that I swim, I usually hitch a ride to the pool from Mr. Sweetie, as it is on his way to work. This also prevents me from taking my sweet time when it comes to getting out of bed and getting moving - Mr. Sweetie is much more punctual than I am and he WILL leave without me. And then I would have to run to the pool. This morning I was really proud of myself because I got up early enough to fit a run in before we left for the pool at 6:40. This meant I had the evening free, free, free!!

Swimming is going fine, I swam with Kendra a few times and I'm starting to recognize alot of the regulars at the pool. I like running into people I know (or am getting to know) when I go to the pool because it makes me feel like I belong. Speaking of swimming, I bought a pair of fins last weekend. I haven't tried them out yet, but they are short ones and will hopefully be much less awkward during flip turns than the Scuba Steve flippers I usually borrow from the pool's flipper bin.

I've been doing short hill repeats every now and again during my run workouts - for these shorter repeats I've been going to the Walter Reed Dr hill (site of the long, not-so-fun hill repeats I do every so often). I think I need to take my shorter repeats to another hill because, after doing short ones, it's going to make the longer hill repeats (all the way to the top, not just halfway) feel mentally 100x harder. Speaking of running, I've been running to work here and there after swimming. It's not quite as scenic as when I run from my house (and end up going over the Memorial Bridge and down the Mall), but I've gotten to see more of downtown, non-touristy DC. The first few times I got a little turned around, which is sad considering the fact that DC is laid out like a grid and the streets are labeled in a very methodical way - nothing like Boston). But now I have a decent route mapped out and it's actually a pretty quick 6.5 miles.

Mr. Sweetie and I had a nice Valentine's Day. It's not a big holiday for either of us (I tend to only get squirrely about my birthday and Christmas when it comes to gifts). I gave up chocolate for Lent (womp womp, day before Valentine's Day, womp womp. And today there was chocolate cake in the 12th floor kitchen at work, womp womp woe is me) so he smartly decided against purchasing anything chocolate for me. I got up early and made him pancakes (and didn't put up a fight when he asked if he could take the leftover pancakes into work for a snack). He made homemade gnocchi for dinner that night. It was a typical evening, which was what made it so nice. It doesn't take a special occasion for Mr. Sweetie to make a yummy dinner, he simply does it because he knows I enjoy it and he likes to cook. That is true love.

Under Pressure

I came across an article in the NYT Magazine today titled Why Can Some Kids Handle Pressure While Others Fall Apart? While it has an education-focus, I found myself thinking ohhh, that and that and that can also apply to racing. 

Thinking back to my childhood, I'm pretty sure my parents would say Oh Caroline? She is definitely a worrier. I remember being in my grandfather's small motor boat when I was about 7 years old and when we were in the channel on the way back to the small bay where he docked his boat, the motor died. We were in the middle of the [narrow] channel, with land only about 30 yards away on either side of us. We had oars. We weren't far from the bay. There was NOTHING to panic about, yet I spent the rest of the time screaming "help, help" to the other boats that were passing by, absolutely convinced we were never going to make it back to the bay and we'd be lost and perish at sea. After that, I think I became my grandfather's last choice as a boat companion, ha!

And then there were the numerous times in high school where I found myself so stressed out about an upcoming cross-country or track meet that I didn't look forward to competing. I'd also get a bit worked up about tests or big papers (but when it came down to the wire with studying and writing, I'd stop procrastinating and just get it done). In short, growing up I didn't thrive on competition.

Anyway, how do these anecdotes relate to the point of the article? Researchers have found that "our response to competitive pressure is derived from a complex set of factors - how we were raised, our skills and experience, the hormones that we marinated in as fetuses. There is also a genetic component: One particular gene referred to as the COMT gene, could to a large degree explain why one child is more prone to be a worrier, while another may be unflappable - more of a warrior." The article then goes on to talk about how, if dealt with correctly, short-term stress can actually be beneficial to people when they are in a competition. Alot of this change is mental - reframing the way you approach a stressful situation. The article gets into the science behind it (I'm not going to), but the short of it is this - training yourself to perform well in a stressful situation and not avoiding those situations are the best way for worriers to reframe their response, "training, preparation and repetition defuse the Worrier's curse." Instead of seeing stress as detrimental, it could instead be viewed as energizing and a way to make yourself focus. I remember in college I felt like I did my best research and writing for classes when I was up against a deadline. I was forced to focus. 

As I mentioned earlier, I used to get very anxious the day of my cross-country and track meets in high school. I wasn't a standout in any of my events, my coaches weren't terrible people who put undue pressure on me, I put the pressure on myself. I was afraid to fail and I absolutely did not thrive on competition. Same with my small stint on the diving team in college (I. Was. TERRIBLE). I took a break from organized sports for a few years before doing my first marathon in 2003 - the Vermont City Marathon. This was the first time I was doing a race/sport simply because I wanted to - something just for myself. There was no outside pressure, it wasn't going to matter what my finish time was - I was doing it simply to do it (I also expected the marathon to be a one-and-done for me, a mere cross-this-off-the-bucket-list). I was very nervous the day of the race, but it was a different kind of nervous; I was excited to see how I would do in this unchartered territory. Once I started doing more marathons and half marathons and then moved into triathlons, I felt like I was a different athlete than the one I was in high school. Instead of viewing races as a threat - a way to see how I could fail - I began viewing them as a way in which I could measure my growth, both in speed as well as mental fortitude. As a result, racing has become a fun game rather than something I dread. It's a change that I actually haven't given much thought or analysis to, but I think the catalyst was when I started doing races for only myself and my own enjoyment and didn't let outside pressures - real or imagined - interfere. I also think that racing often - whether it is triathlons, road races, trail races, cyclocross - has gotten me used to competing, to the point where it is no longer a novelty or something to be feared. I like familiarity and racing often gives me insight into what to expect.

I am still a worrier, do not get me wrong. During the bike portion I'm always thinking please don't get a flat tire please don't get a flat tire please don't get a flat tire and during the run I'm always worried I'm going to have some sort of nutrition fail. I'm not always the calmest person out there if/when things go wrong. But at least it usually isn't the competition/race itself that is getting me riled up. 70.3 Worlds was probably an exception - I felt like I didn't belong there and, along with my various nutrition fails on the course and my inability to thrive in 100+ degree weather, I let my mental jitters get the best of me. I had been more nervous for that race than I usually am for races and I simply didn't harness those nerves for good and let them get the best of me instead. It seems like one of my triggers for cracking under pressure is feeling like I am not good enough to belong. Cockiness can be a pretty negative trait but I've found I need to be a mentally cocky jerkface (in my mind, NOT out loud to others) if I'm going to toss aside my worrier status and try on the facade of a warrior instead.   

Recovery. Of the athletic and non-athletic types

This week has been a recovery week, something that I see as a bit of a treat - a chance to sleep in a little bit some mornings and have a few evenings free of a workout. A good mental and physical break. Sadly, I still struggled a little bit with fly in the pool today, I think my arms were a little tired from strength training yesterday and maybe the timing of my kick is off, but I felt like I couldn't get my shoulders and arms out of the water. I've been watching a few videos of good swimmers doing fly just to see how it is supposed to be done (and in a desperate attempt to have my body learn through visual osmosis). I'm sure I'll figure it out in the end, it's just a little frustrating because - for a time - it seemed like things were going really well and I was on a fast-track learning curve.

Today was one of those days where I wished I had a gold star calendar. I was awake at 5am, out of bed by 5:10am, and out the door for my run by 5:20am. This is a very rare occurrence (SO lazy, SO tired, SO unmotivated 99% of the time) - so rare that I don't remember the last time I had my running shoes on before 6am. Let's add to this list of anomalies - after my run, I went to the pool, arriving at my usual time. When it was all said and done, both my swim and my run were done by 8am and I felt like I had conquered the world (or at least my typical morning laziness).

I've been on a book-reading hiatus for the first 6 weeks of 2013. After cramming 7 books into the month of December, I wanted a break. Anyway, tonight I finished my second book of the year - Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction by David Sheff. As the title says, it's a father's account of what it is like to have a son addicted to meth (among other drugs) and the effect the recovery-relapse cycle has had on him and the rest of the family. He talks about his son's life, from the very beginning, and the signs of how experimentation turned to addiction, changing his son into an unrecognizable, hollow, terrible shadow of who he once was. I know I was (and still am) completely naive about the prevalence of drugs and, in particular, their availability to kids in middle school and high school. Perhaps it was because I hung out with a squeaky clean group of people, but I wouldn't have known who to buy drugs from in high school and I always figured the worst drug on school grounds was pot. Reading this book was eye-opening. It is easy to view drug addiction as a choice (nobody forced you to take a hit of something) and blame the addict for relapsing and making a mess of his/her life. But this book was a visceral description of the day-to-day struggle addicts go through. Every day was a struggle. It's something I can't fathom because the closest thing I have an addiction to is chocolate, completely not in the same stratosphere. As a reader, it was difficult to see all the ups and downs, lies and deception, pain and heartache that the author's son put his family through. Each time it sounded like he was getting better, he would relapse. You could see the transformation in the father over the course of the book from his high hopes for his son's recovery, doing anything and everything necessary to facilitate it, his happiness completely dependent on whether or not his son was using or clean - to a person whose feelings have been hardened by the lies and deceit and disappointment. Gosh it was so depressing. If you have someone in your life that you care about who is an addict, this was a good - depressing, yes - but extremely good book to read. Eye-opening, really.

And I'm spent...!

This weekend was full of good stuff - food, friends, bikes, and running.

Yesterday Mr. Sweetie and I gave our kitchen a workout by cooking up a storm. He made homemade pizza dough and whipped up some arugula pesto for the sauce. Meanwhile I put together a few chicken pot pies, Oreo Balls (which I've now decided should be renamed Oreo Bombs), and I tried out the banana rice muffin recipe from The Feed Zone Cookbook. It is high time I stopped dropping a money bomb every week during peak Ironman training and hopefully some of these "portables" recipes will do the trick - and they were super easy to whip up. The muffins were great on my ride today, not super sweet, a hint of almond and they kept me satiated during the ride. I do, however, think it will be difficult to stuff 18 rice muffins down my sports bra during Ironman (my bento box of choice since my actual bento box is not roomy enough and - sadly? - my sports bra is). I'm going to need to work on this crucial part of my race day nutrition strategy.

I think I am going to like running in pink shoes.

New running shoes! In hot pink! Lightweight! And they are super comfortable! Over the years I've worn Nikes, Mizunos, Sauconys. And now the K-Swiss joins the list. I took them out for a spin on my long run today and they felt good, so perhaps I will be sticking with them for awhile. These are triathlon-specific shoes with fewer seams (or maybe none) on the inside of the shoe so you can wear them sockless and have less risk of blisters. I don't know if I'm brave enough to try that - maybe for a shorter tri. They also have holes on the bottom of the shoe to drain out water from when you douse yourself at aid stations during hot races. But the hot pink color is my favorite feature, for sure.

It was a little chilly

Long run with friends!  I do most of my running solo so it was a treat to run with a friend today. Kendra and I normally meet up and do swim workouts but today we got together for a run. We zipped down through Arlington and onto Roosevelt Island on the Potomac. Even though the snow made spots a little slick, it was worth it for how pretty it made everything look. And we didn't need to rely on social kick during this workout for our social catchup time - it's quite nice how much more chatting you can do when you aren't spending 90% of a workout underwater.

See - you can't miss the shoes! It's like a florescent color stolen straight from the '90s.

Biking! Outside! In snow (flurries)! I haven't biked outside since probably November, maybeeeee early December. I'm a weather wimp and if it's below 40 (heck, if it is below 50), I'd take the trainer over outdoors any day. But today Tri360 was holding their Hilly Chilly Chili ride. I made oreo balls for the occasion and the temperatures warmed up a bit by 10:30 and with my mittens and warm clothes, being outdoors on my bike was bearable - even pleasant. I caught up with a few friends during the ride - this was purely a social occasion for me since I didn't have a ride on my schedule today. Towards the end, the snow flurries picked up and even though none of it was sticking on the roads, snow in the air did make me feel like less of a weather wimp. After the ride we had chili and corn muffins and apple cider. Thanks for a fun event Tri360! I love the idea of a ride with seasonal-themed food and drink at the end (or any food and drink, for that matter!). I'll bring the strawberry muffins and mint juleps for the spring-themed ride!

Weekly Wrap-up!

I don't even know where this week went. This week was busy at work, all in a good way. Every day I went home feeling pretty satisfied with my day. I ended up working a few hours longer each day than usual, but I still managed to get all of my workouts in. This was mainly due to getting my workouts done in the AM, especially on days which I knew would be late ones at the office. On Thursday I almost slept in a little bit and considered pushing my bike ride to the evening, but when I got home from work after 9pm, I was pretty glad I sucked it up and got my trainer ride over with earlier in the day.

I did two run commutes to work this week from the pool - I have been making a ton of use of the Blue Seventy Brick Bag that I bought earlier this winter, I can fit toiletries and work clothes and even a small lunch/snack in the bag and it's still comfortable to run while wearing it. The first one was on Wednesday when the weather was beautiful, warm, and kind of humid. It was a shorts and t-shirt kind of day and a completely enjoyable commute. Bonus points that I ran into one of our friends in the middle of DC - Kym and Mr. Sweetie grew up across the street from each other out in California. During my run I had actually been thinking about Kym and how we've been meaning to get together for dinner and how I should send her a FB message to set something up, so the fact that we bumped into each other just a few minutes later on a random street made my day. DC is a small-town city and I love it.
The second run commute was today, sub-freezing temperatures and snow on the ground from the snow squall that came through while I was at the pool. Even though the sidewalks were icy in a few places, it was a quick commute in (thank goodness for the decent downhill down to Rosslyn and flat the rest of the way to the office). By the time I got to work the sun was out, snow was blowing around, and it was a beautiful day. Things were even better when I got into the office and saw an abundance of my favorite flavor of bagel in the office kitchen. SO GOOD.

This morning's swim was NOT quite was I had hoped for. At least in terms of IM. Every time I think I'm becoming a pretty stellar swimmer, a pretty good smack of reality comes flying down the pipeline to remind me that I have a loooong way to go. On Wednesday night it was reading the winning splits of some of the high school swimmers in the local meet (their 100yd time is like my 50yd time - WHO swims that fast and how can I do that??!!). And today it was the fact that I couldn't get my arms and shoulders out of the water during fly and felt like I was sinking. Maybe I was just tired, but I felt like a lump on a log in the pool during my IM sets. Boooo.