"Stop Being Safe. Do Not Think, Just Race."

With the first triathlon of the season on the horizon (as in, this weekend), Jen sent me a little motivational response to my race goals I sent to her. Actually, it was a bit of a scary motivational e-mail and I kind of felt like wetting my pants while reading it, but really, this was exactly what I needed.

That blog post title, "Stop being safe. Do not think, just race" is a line I stole from the e-mail. It's my new goal for the race; that and suffer. No time goals, just go hard and don't hold back. I also wrote down a few other quotes from the e-mail and stuck them on my work computer and wrote them in a notebook I carry around with me. Just to remind myself of what I need to do on Saturday.

Last season, I cracked during just about every single one of my races. Usually on the run. Things got hard (it's a race, they are supposed to be hard) and I would allow myself to cave - slow down, walk, tell myself it's an accomplishment just to finish. I took a look at my race report from this race last year and here is a gem of a line "my head wasn't really in the run and i was just so pleased with how the bike turned out, I almost didn't care how the run went" WTH??!! No wonder I had a crummy race, with that kind of attitude.

I'm trying to turn things around this season. Mental focus and preparation are just as important as the swimbikerun training. I've been reading books and blogs, trying to soak up and understand the different mental prep techniques and how I might be able to apply them to myself and my races. Saturday's tri will be the first true test - I feel like such a poser sitting here saying I'm going to try to race with the big kids (seriously, who am I?!), but that's what I'm going to try to do. Answer when I am passed, no more of this "I'm here to race my own race." That is bull - I am here to race (OMG, such a pretender!). Work hard from start to finish, don't look at the clock, and plan on having this simple conversation with myself over and over:

"Will I die?"

"No."

"Then go harder."

If the end result of the race is that I finish with absolutely nothing left and there are no "shoulda, woulda, coulda's - then I think we can call it a success.

I'm a little leery and uncomfortable with this "race-bravado"-type talk. I feel like an arrogant fool saying it and writing it. But I'm kind of hoping if I just write it and say it enough, I might begin to believe it, and one of these days it'll actually come true.

I'm not this arrogant in real life. Honestly.

I almost cracked tonight

I almost cracked tonight - I was [this close] to having grape nuts and toast for dinner tonight. Or, worse, walking to CVS and getting a package of Kraft Mac and Cheese. It was late, I was only cooking for one, and in a sick and disgusting way, mac and cheese actually sounded appealing. I haven't had it in about a year. Fortunately, I gave myself a mental smack to remind myself that I would likely feel disgusting if I ate a whole box of mac and cheese (which I would do since I have little self control).

So, instead, I had homemade pizza with lots of vegetables and a big glass of water.

I think I may have finally put my unhealthy, college dorm-style eating habits to rest for good. THANK GOODNESS.

In other news, my dog has been busying himself with eating potpourri this evening. The cats gracefully knocked over a glass of festive potpourri and I thought I managed to pick up most of it, but apparently not. Thank goodness Mark gets home from his business trip tomorrow - I'm not sure how much longer I can handle being outnumbered 3:1 by the animals. As I write this, Bissell is dumpster diving in the garbage disposal... and I'm not even going to waste my energy trying to intervene, I just don't care anymore.

JHC's Tucson Tri Camp 2011

This past weekend I attended one of Jen's Tucson Tri Camps. It absolutely did not disappoint. JHC's camp gave the words "hammered" and "trashed" a totally different meaning from the usual college frat party connotation (though the result was much the same - passed out, but without the hangover).

I had blog-stalked many of the other campers, so it was nice to meet them in person and put a face to a blog (now I can comment on others' blogs without seeming like a creepy stalker). Everyone at camp was a great athlete and happy to be there. I was hoping I could hold my own - was also hoping I could make it up Mount Lemmon in my 25, since I was lazy and didn't change it to a 27 - had a minor panic attack when I flew into Tucson and saw those hills - yikes!

Day 1: Mount Lemmon (25 miles of UP) and T-run.

What a fantastic bike ride - LOVED it! It's just the type of climbing I like - challenging and steady climb, not too steep, but a climb where you can settle into a gear and power your way up. The views were great and I tried to snap a picture of every elevation marker I passed. One of Jen's Tucson-based athletes was so nice and provided sag support at Mile 14, Windy Point. Sag support complete with pretzels, bananas and NUTELLA - perhaps I died and biked my way to heaven: pretzels + Nutella = Bliss. After Windy Point, it was a short 6.5 more miles of UP before beginning the descent into Summerhaven (home of cookies the size of your face). We all regrouped at the top, took a few photos, enjoyed the sun and cool air, and eventually found the motivation to climb back out of Summerhaven and then descend. I wasn't too nervous about the descent - the road was in good conditions, turns were wide, and no switchbacks. It was so much FUN! I surprised myself by getting into aero here and there and pedaling through some of the turns, and taking some of the turns more aggressively than I normally would. I made it down in one piece and Melissa and I cycled back to the house to begin the T-run. That T-run was HOT. I think I was a bit dehydrated as well - my mouth was dry and I thought about water during the whole run around the neighborhood. I was so happy to get back to the house, I grabbed a big glass of water and jumped into the pool with my clothes on. Four miles in high 90s heat will make you do that. Dinner was at Blanco that night, courtesy of camp - I had a huge burrito and ate my bodyweight in guacamole, which is one of my other most favorite things besides Nutella.

Day 2: Swim, Bike, T-run

We had a bit of a later start because we didn't have the pool until 9ish. Alot of us were on East Coast/midwest time so we were all up with the sun. This allowed for a leisurely breakfast as we packed up our stuff, as we wouldn't be coming back until after the swimbikerun fun extravaganza was over later in the afternoon. We swam in the beautiful sunshine OUTSIDE at the U of A Rec Center. The pool was so, so nice and it was lovely to be out in the sun - even though I was hanging onto the wall, gasping for breath between sets, I really enjoyed the swim. I think I managed over 4000 yds by the end of it. We went to TriSports for a tour of the facility and I had the yummiest veggie sandwich ever for lunch. Then we headed out into the 95+ degree heat for a two hour ride, sagged by TriSports. I actually found that the heat wasn't too bad when you were riding your bike - no humidity and there was a breeze when you were moving. However, the false flat on that ride was NO FUN - I just kept watching my speed slowly dwindle and my heart rate slowly climb - blah. I was in a funk during that part of the ride, but fortunately it passed. I got lost and totally missed the turn I was supposed to take - I ended up a mile or two down the road near a park ranger station in the middle of nowhere. Eventually, when nobody else showed up, I figured out I was lost and turned around and caught back up with the group. We did the Pistol Hill loop a couple of times - a short climb that was rewarded with a nice descent on good roads. The way back to the cars was a challenge - we were hot, our legs were tired, but I pushed it as hard as I could and it was helpful we were going back down the false flat. I only managed to eek out a 2 mile T-run, but the heat was brutal and I was honestly glad it was only two miles. Then it was back to the house, pool time, and most of us just ordered in pizza and called it an early night. I loved going to bed early and waking up early - we were all so tired, it was hard to stay up past 9pm.

Day 3: Sabino Canyon and Lemmon (Again!!)

We were up bright and early to run the Phoneline Trail at Sabino Canyon - a challenging and super pretty trail run. I tried to stick with Jen's husband Jerome, but within the first mile up the trail, my HR was in Zone 5 and I was scrambling over rocks and gasping for breath and wondering how the heck I was going to continue like that for 4 more miles. The trail did start to level out and become a little less technical, my HR went down, and I managed to find a rhythm. Still couldn't catch Jerome, but I did manage to pick up the pace in places and I had a great time on the run! The run back to the car was (mostly) downhill on a paved road - a good cooldown. I was glad we all started early because by the time we were done, it was HOT outside. We went back to the house for a cooloff in the pool and some breakfast. And then... We went back up Mount Lemmon! Not all the way up this time. I rode up to Windy Point and tried (very unsuccessfully) to keep up with Jerome. Riding Lemmon on Day 3 of camp, in the afternoon heat, was a totally different ballgame than riding it on Day 1 with fresh legs in the morning. It was hot, hot, hot out there. I also didn't eat enough and was feeling it by Windy Point. When I got back to the house, I had a beer (well, a quarter of a beer) and sat in the pool in celebration of being done. We did Blanco for dinner again that evening (comment of the night goes to Angelina who correctly observed that Tucson is home to some questionable fashions).

Day 4: Saguro trail running and swimming

Apparently I missed the memo that wild boars and mountain lions are the things to see in Saguro - everyone else some some interesting wildlife - me, I just saw a few rabbits. Boo. The run was hard, my legs were tired, and even though it was only 7am, it was hot. Throw in a looonnngggg false flat that never ended and a run-in with a cactus and that would adequately describe my run. Jerome was being very nice and trying to chat with me during the run (I was running, he was strolling) and all I could really manage were a few gasps and dying animal noises. I just kept counting down the miles and telling myself that I could do it, willing myself not to stop, roll over and die. Sad thing was, it's not like I was running that fast. I'm going to blame it on overall fatigue. When we regrouped, everyone had war stories about seeing wild boars and mountain lions. I, on the other hand, busied myself pulling cactus needles out of my elbow because I accidentally stumbled into a cactus toward the end of my run, oops. The swim was a great way to finish off camp. Jen was nice and didn't have any speed sets in there. Melissa lapped me about a billion times, but I didn't care, as long as I didn't drown, it was a good day. By the end, I had a nice sunburn on my back and the back of my legs - I love outdoor swimming!

I had so much fun that whole week - everyone was super nice, the weather was perfect (a little toasty, but otherwise perfect), and the workouts were a great challenge. This may sound strange, but this was my dream vacation - good weather, no distractions, lots of swimming, biking, running, good food, great company, and sleep. This camp was exactly what I needed to get excited about the 2011 tri season. Good thing too, since my first race is in, ohhh, about a week and a half (are you ready Kate and Bethany?!)!

Thank you to Jen and Jerome for putting on such a great camp - I can't imagine the amount of work that went into planning it and executing it, but I thought it was flawless. Looking forward to next year!

**I have pictures that I will post, but right now I am too lazy to hunt for the cord to my camera. Pictures will have to wait.

Old?? Who said old??

Last night, Mark and I watched When Harry Met Sally. I had seen pieces of the movie before, and from my vague recollections, Harry and Sally were quite old when they got together.

I guess when you're in your teens and early 20s, "old" is a relative term. Watching the movie last night, I figured out that Harry and Sally were actually 32 - which is only about two years older than I am right now. And I am certainly not old.

Want another example of skewed perceptions? When I graduated from undergrad, I went to Paris for 8 months to do an internship. All of the interns lived together and most of us were around the "just graduated" age. On my second night there, this one girl - Mylene - kept talking about her skincare regiment and various creams, etc. As she talked, I just kept looking at her and thinking "you're what, 21 - you look like you're 18, why are you so worried about your skin??" Shortly thereafter, I found out she was actually 30. My next thought was, "oh, thirty - she's going to be no fun because she's old." Seriously? Why did I think that people suddenly became old and un-fun when they hit thirty? Is there something that supposedly happens to people partway through their 20s that makes them cranky fuddy-duddies? What lies have we been telling our youth?? As it turned out - Mylene was one of the most fun people out there, and her endurance for late nights, bar-hopping, and being social far outlasted the rest of us.

I think I'm having a hard time with this whole turning thirty this year.

But why? Your thirties are allegedly even better than your twenties. You're more established, maybe you are married and have a family of your own - no more dating. You've advanced in your chosen career, you have extra money for expensive hobbies (like triathlon). You know your likes and dislikes, and now can focus on getting yourself to where you want to be - no more wasting time "finding yourself." All of this sounds appealing to me. AND - the 30-34 age group in triathlon is more competitive than the 20-something age groups (meaning people must still be getting faster when they hit 30).

Thirty is not old, forty is not old - triathlon has showed me that 50 and 60, even 70 are not old. Just wiser. In my last half-ironman, I remember chasing down a woman because she looked like she was in my age group - when I got close enough to see her calf, I found out she was actually in her 50s. I am convinced that women who do triathlons often look younger and more in shape than their inactive counterparts. Since it's impossible to stop having a birthday every year, the only way to counteract the negative connotations of "getting older" is to stay active, eat healthy, and take care of myself. Maybe someday I'll be that 50-something getting chased down by a 27 year old, because I look younger than I actually am.

food, Food, FOOD!

I just ate a burrito the size of my face. It. Was. Awesome. I've been craving a burrito for the past two days for dinner and tonight we finally made them. It's a (slight) break from our usual dinner dish - Mark and I haven't been terribly creative as of late, and we have about 4-5 go-to recipes that we cook EVERY WEEK. And this week, something snapped, and if I had to look at another dish of sauteed peppers, mushrooms and onions, or another pizza, or another veggie quesadilla, I'd just stop eating altogether. So, granted, a burrito isn't TOO different from a veggie quesadilla, but there's something amazing about the goodness of rice, beans, and avocado in a crisp, slightly buttery tortilla.

Fortunately, I've not tired of my chocolate vegan cookies. Bonus points that they are super quick and easy to make - I whipped up a batch after my workout last night at 9:30pm. I spiced them up by adding slivered almonds AND shredded coconut. I'm enjoying this cooking and baking thing. Had you told me five years ago I'd be a little Suzy Homemaker, I would've laughed in your face and gone back to eating my boxed Mac and Cheese. But something has clicked and I think I cook dinner more often than Mark does now (fewer nights that I have to do the dishes!).

In other news, I think our dog is going through the adolescent stages of testing our authority. I've caught him (TWICE) getting up and food surfing off the counter. He's also unnecessarily rough with the cats. And he HATES it when I take my computer out, because it means I'm not paying attention to him. Attention whore. Our neighbors must think that we have a pack of elephants living in our house - elephants that love to rumble up and down and up and down and up and down the stairs at 10pm every night. I thought only cats had bewitching hours, but apparently dogs do too. Oh well, I guess it makes us even for all the times our neighbor plays Call of Duty at 1am and the walls in our house shake.

Speaking of neighbors, we have a set of neighbors who have these (horrible) yap-yap dogs. Every morning my day starts with: 1) Our neighbors walking their dogs around the complex, all the while barking at absolutely nothing; and 2) me peering out a window while expressing my sheer dislike of said dogs. It's a routine now - my day wouldn't be the same without it. This morning was particularly comical - the yap-yap dogs were being walked around the neighborhood for the umpteenth time (how many pee breaks do they need?!?) while Mark headed out the door to go to work. On his way to the car, Mark saw three of our other neighbors out, all walking their (well-behaved) dogs. ALL of them, INCLUDING the owner of the yap-yap dogs, all rolled their eyes and said "I hate those dogs" IN UNISON. At the same time, I poked my head out of the door, looked at Mark, and said "I hate those dogs." So, I guess the feeling is mutual across the neighborhood.

Anyone (far, far away from Arlington) want two yappy, obnoxious dogs? I'll bribe you with oreo balls.

Erin's Dirty Thirty

Me and the birthday girl

I just got back today from spending the weekend down in Nashville celebrating Erin's 30th birthday. Erin and I have been best friends since college and this weekend can be added to the long list of fun times we've had. I'd say it's pretty close to the top. The whole weekend was a surprise - I arrived and surprised her on Thursday; her cousins Kelly and Melissa arrived and surprised her on Friday; and her friends Nicole and Dan arrived and surprised her on Saturday. Dinner on Saturday night at a trendy restaurant and then partied the evening away at The Big Bang Bar, a dueling piano bar in downtown Nashville. In the end, the night proved that 30 isn't really that old - we still know how to have fun, hang with the younger 20-somethings, and are capable of staying out (way) past our bedtimes once in awhile. It was so nice to spend the weekend with Erin and Ashley, see Reagan my goddaughter, and see everyone else! Here are a few more pictures from the night out. PS - you know you had a good night when, two people are asleep on the bar table by the end of it, the next morning (on only three hours of sleep) you are at the airport, unshowered, with hair still smelling like last night's bar, and the stamp from the previous night still visible on your hand (bonus points if the stamp reads "Bang This"). I was that description, personified, last weekend.

Dinner with Kelly and Melissa

Erin, Nicole, me and Kelly

I think this sums up the night quite nicely

1, 2, 3... A, B, C

Everyone else is doing it, so I'm joining in:

A: Age - 29. But if you're looking for my USAT age, that would be 30.

B: Bed size - Queen. I share it with Mark, our dog and two cats. Cozy.

C: Chore I hate - doing the dishes. I've made progress though, at least I do the dishes now, rather than hide them in a closet. Or throw them out.

D: Dogs - we have one and that is enough. Miles is our very sweet English Setter.

E: Essential Start Your Day Item - Food. Any type of food. I'm always starving.

F: Favorite Color - blue-green.

G: Gold or Silver - Platinum. I thought platinum and silver were the same thing, until we went engagement/wedding ring shopping. Then I learned better.

H: Height - 5'6''.

I: Instruments I Play - nothing now, but I used to play the flute, the piano, AND the accordion. I was 6 when I played the accordion, for the record, and thus didn't have a choice.

J: Job Title - Survey Specialist (recent promotion, yaaay!) at a social policy research firm. I like making surveys, but I don't like taking them.

K: Kids - none of my own!

L: Live - NoVa, where I've wanted to live ever since I was 12 years old.

M: Mom's name - Molly.

N: Nicknames - Yaya (courtesy of my brother when he was 2 and "Caroline" was too complicated). Mark calls me Caro. I could also name off the litany of names (Karen, Carolyn, Carolina, Caroleena, Kelly, Carrie) that people call me when they mispronounce my name).

O: Overnight hospital stays - never.

P: Pet Peeve - WMATA (Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority). Yes, it is the cleanest transit system I've ever seen BUT, if I am paying $7.50 a day to go the 5 miles to work, I'd like the bus to be on time, the metro not to break down multiple times a week, and a working escalator here and there. That's all.

Q: Quote from a Movie - "Back to school... Back to school... To show my dad that I'm not a fool..." (Billy Madison)

R: Right or Left Handed - right!

S: Siblings - younger brother (24 this week) and three sisters (23, 21, 19). Technically they are my sisters-in-law, but I consider them my sisters because they are awesome.

T: Time you wake up - prior to 5am if it's Tues/Thurs and I'm swimming with Team Z. Otherwise, it's after 6. I don't really have a set time.

U: Underwear - none of your business!

V: Vegetable you Dislike - I can't really think of any. I vehemently hate cantaloupe and melon, but those are fruits.

W: What makes you Late - Ummm, I don't need anything to make me late, I do well enough with that on my own!

X: X-rays you've had done - for my teeth at the dentist.

Y: Yummy food you Make - Vegan chocolate cookies, OREO BALLS, my mother's Chicken Pot Pie, homemade pasta, veggie quesadillas, butternut squash soup. I used to be a master of The Blue Box Special Mac and Cheese, but I've grown up.

Z - Zoo Animal Favorite - I don't really like the zoo.